I Don't Do Spiders

Anyone who knows me well, knows I'm deathly afraid of spiders. I was afraid of spiders when my sister used to put little plastic ones on my pillow at night. (I blame her for my fear, by the way. It must have scarred me for life). At Christmas time, I about had a heart attack seeing my nephew's plastic tarantula on the couch behind me. I'm even afraid of Jacob's hand when he crawls across a surface, pretending to be a spider. This is not a new thing. I see a spider (no matter how small,) and I freak out. Not kidding. Even a spider as small as a pencil dot, I get afraid of. A dot!!!

Today, I was in the kitchen, getting some stuff out of the freezer for the omelets we're having for dinner. When I first opened the freezer, I thought I saw a black moving shadow of some sort. But couldn't see it inside the shelves, so I closed the door and opened it again. Saw the same black shadow out of the corner of my eye. Found the source. A nasty black spider hanging out on the inside hinge of the door. My protective mothering instinct took over. (And thank goodness it did, or else I'd still be downstairs shivering in a corner watching the spider until Jacob came home). I pushed Alexia's walker a couple of feet, so she'd be clear of the spider. I grabbed a shoe, and smacked the door, trying to get it to fall. It jumped down about 4-5 inches, but stayed on the door. So, I did that two or three more times, each time the spider jumped down further. Finally, the I couldn't see it on the inside anymore. So, I hesitated, and took a deep breath, and shut the freezer door. I finally got a good look at the nasty spider as it tried to crawl under the fridge. Big spider. I know I'm a wimp, so any spider to me seems big. But this one was about 1/4 inch, by about 3/8 to 1/2 of an inch. Big, plump, nasty spider. I tried whacking it with the shoe again, and it sped away. Thankfully, it sped away from the fridge, not under it. One more frantic scream and WHACK, and it died!!! I took a few shaky breaths, and picked Alexia up, who was screaming by now, having picked up on my mood. I comforted her, and tried to act normally as I made lunch, and we ate. We now have a shoe print of dirt on the outside of our black freezer. I'm leaving it there until Jacob comes home so he can see evidence of my awesomeness.

Then, to make a skittish person even more nervous, I decided to take Alexia for a walk. It's a beautiful day, and I wanted to take advantage. As I got her ready and we went into the garage to get her stroller, there on the wall of the garage sat an even bigger, nastier spider. It was a thinner spider (not as plump), but with leg span and long body, it was at least 3/4 of an inch by an inch. Huge!!! (Not an exaggeration...I don't think) Typically when I see a spider on the ground, I feel a bit more powerful. But, when a spider is high up on the wall, or especially the ceiling, I feel so small and helpless. It's horrible! So, I'm looking at this spider on the garage wall, knowing that I won't be able to kill it. Picturing that if I go at it with a shoe, it'll either fall, and I won't be able to find it. Or it'll fall ON ME. Or it'll just climb higher, and freak me out even more. So, I did what any sane person would do. I left it there. Closed the garage behind me as quick as I could and took Alexia for a 40 minute walk.

Returning from our walk, I drove the stroller through the front door, rather than the garage. I don't want to see that the spider has moved, because my imagination will do terrible things to me all afternoon. Nope. I'm avoiding the garage at all costs today. When Jacob comes home, I'll be telling him that there is a spider in the garage, and he'll heroically go kill it for me. Unless of course the spider has moved from it's space on the wall. In which case, I'll have nightmares tonight.

Let's not think about that possibility.